GAMING: X BOX 360 KINECT

Duncan Stevens sees if the latest advancement in gaming technology fulfills on its promise to revolutionize gaming as we know it.

You know that person who shows up at parties even though no one really invited them or particularly wants them there? They sit in the corner moaning about how the party has been going up until they got there, and are sure they have the solutions to improve the quality of said party, a party everyone else just so happened to be having a really good time at? Yeah, actually I don’t know anyone like that either, but if I did, I would definitely use that person as an analogy for Microsoft’s latest technological advancement, the Kinect. From the moment the Kinect is turned on the atmosphere in the room takes a chilling turn. A hush descends as the little black box whirrs into life, looking the player up and down appraisingly with its stony black gaze, before declaring that you’re stood too close to the TV. Obediently you step back a couple of paces, and bang into your coffee table. As you rub your now bruised shin the Kinect mockingly commands you to clean up and adjust your Feng Shui to be more Kinetic-centric.

The humiliation doesn’t end there however, the Kinect seems to have been designed by someone who has a deep-seated hatred for the entire human race, who wants to exploit people’s gullibility and readiness to do what they are told by a machine, regardless of how stupid it’s going to make them look. And I’m not just talking about the idiotic shapes you have to bend yourself in, or the fact that the built-in camera snaps you at your most compromising positions, only to later play these back to you, reminding you what an idiot you look playing this game. No, the real humiliation comes from the games themselves. Gaming has come a long way since the dark ages of Pong and Asteroids, recently being likened to an immersive entertainment experience not unlike the narrative storytelling possibilities of films or even books. So when a friend walks in on you stood on one foot, thrusting at a screen, and flailing your arms madly to plug leaks in a glass box being broken by angry sea creatures or traverse a river in a raft whilst picking up blobs, serious debate about the cultural and artistic impact of games begins to lose its credibility.

Well, such is true for Kinect Adventures anyway, the only game I have tested which was created specifically for the Kinect. A mind-numbingly droll set of six different mini-games, packaged in a way that sets itself up as an opportunity for the player to believe that they are questing through an adventure park to gain scout badges to pin on their virtual jumpers. In reality, the player quickly realises that the game is going to keep throwing those six mini-games at you with varying degrees of difficulty until you scream with boredom. Kinect may be an advancement technologically, but as far as the actual gaming goes, it brings us straight back to the start.

Review by Duncan Stevens